Lust Is Not the Problem—Control Is
- Feb 10
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 23
Let’s be real: Lust is a natural human feeling, especially for men.
Trying to completely erase all lustful thoughts or attractions is not only unrealistic but unnecessary. The real issue isn't the existence of these thoughts—it's whether or not they have power over us.
For years, lust controlled my actions. Pornography shaped my mindset, drained my energy, and negatively impacted my relationships. But through conscious effort and trial and error, I was able to break its control. Now, even though lustful thoughts may arise, I don’t let them dictate my behavior. Instead, I reach for higher thoughts and a greater purpose.
The First Step: Taking Responsibility
Breaking free from lust starts with acknowledging the problem and taking responsibility. No one forced me to watch porn—I made that choice. While I later discovered deeper reasons behind my compulsive behavior, the fact remained that I was the one engaging in it. Recognizing that I was both the cause and the solution gave me back my power.
A victim mentality keeps us trapped, convincing us that we’re helpless against our urges. But when we shift our mindset and take ownership of our actions, we regain control. If we got ourselves into this mess, we can get ourselves out.
The Power of Healthy Relationships
Another game-changer was opening up to the right people. Shame thrives in secrecy, and the longer we keep our struggles hidden, the stronger they become. When I finally admitted my addiction—not just to myself but to my wife—it was a huge relief.
Being honest with her removed the weight of secrecy and allowed real healing to begin.
If you’re in a relationship, I encourage you to share your struggles. If your partner responds with unconditional love and support, they’re with you for the right reasons. If they judge or reject you, that’s revealing in itself. You deserve relationships that encourage growth, not condemnation.
Beyond my marriage, connecting with a community of like-minded men was also key. We supported each other, held each other accountable, and reminded one another that we weren’t alone in the fight. Seeking out a support system—whether through friends, a mentor, or a group—can make a world of difference.
Don’t Underestimate Spiritual Strength
Even if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to others yet, never underestimate the power of a spiritual relationship. Turning to God in my struggle gave me a strength I couldn’t find on my own. At first, I felt ashamed, like I needed to hide my addiction from Him. But that was a lie. God already knew what I was going through, and He wasn’t disgusted by me—He wanted to help.
Prayer became a vital tool in my journey. When I felt weak, I prayed. When I was tempted, I prayed. And through it all, I found strength, clarity, and peace. If you feel alone in your battle, I encourage you to lean into your faith. Nothing is too big for God, and He will meet you where you are.
Speaking It Into the World
Breaking the power of lust isn’t about pretending it doesn’t exist—it’s about bringing it into the light. Whether that means confessing to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or seeking a spiritual connection, you have to speak it out. Secrets keep us stuck, but honesty sets us free.
So, can you live a life free from lust? Maybe not in the sense that you’ll never experience a lustful thought again. But you absolutely can live free from its control. You can live a life where lust doesn’t dictate your choices, steal your energy, or damage your relationships. You can live with clarity, peace, and a sense of purpose far greater than any temporary pleasure.
And that’s a life worth fighting for.
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